World's Meanest Kitty Scratches World's Nicest Grandmother!

                       Mingamo (ScratchER)        VSM, SAM (ScratchEES) 

6/00  In an incident eerily prophesized by  a decidedly obscure Book of Scripture, Mingamo J.(oe) Morbeck has viciously attacked one of his few true admirers, visiting Grandmother Virginia S. Morbeck.

            “It really was my own fault”, Ms. Morbeck was heard to remark sheepishly.

            “She had it coming”, Mr. Morbeck meowed to a spokesperson.

    It seems that said Mr. Morbeck was sharpening his already amply sharp claws in still another ruined piece of 28 President furniture.  Baaka mistakenly tried to reprimand him with a short tap to the feline paw region, an action swiftly culminating in a bloody carnage of the human hand region.

            Theological scholars were immediately sent rushing to their reference texts, searching for biblical premonitions of this all too predictable circumstance.  Finally an ancient copy of  “The Book of MORbeck”(A close cousin to The Book of MORmon) was found under the cellar stairs.  We quote here from I Morbeck Chapter 3:

            1  And they shall live in the land of Amos, and they shall call it Amosland*.  2 And the Morbecks shall dwelleth under the Number 28.  3 And whoever shall dwelleth there shall be scratched, be it beast or child or homeowner. 4 And whoever shall visiteth there; ye shall be scratched as well.

* “Amosland” is an English bastardization of Ammaland, original New Sweden name for the region currently occupied by the Borough of Rutledge. Our swim club (The Aquatic Club) is on Amosland Road.

JUST FOR KIDS:

            Hey Boys and Girls, here’s an opportunity to read beyond the headlines and learn more about this news story.  Follow these steps to find out more about this dreadful attack:

            A)  Procure an Overhead Projector.  You might be able to find this in the basement of your local public school.  While you’re there,  pick up some of those purple mimeograph sheets for me. I love the way they smell.

            B)  Produce the following two transparencies, carefully label the tops:

                        1)  RUTLEDGE MORBECK FAMILY MEMBERS

                                    a) Robert          b)Sally              c)Bradford

                                    d)Benjamin       e)Gabriel          f)Mrs. Kitty

                                    g)Baaka*

                                    *honorary

                        2)  FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE BEEN SEVERELY  SCRATCHED BY MINGAMO:

                                    a) Robert          b)Sally              c)Bradford

                                    d)Benjamin       e)Gabriel          f)Mrs. Kitty

                       
            C)  Turn your Overhead Projector ON. If you need a new projector bulb, Call me.

            D)  Sandwich the two transparencies you’ve made. Place them on the platen (right word?) of the Overhead Projector

            E)  YOU SHOULD SEE PRACTICALLY NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO LISTS!

            It’s unknown which of our other visiting relatives have also been attacked by Mingamo over the years. Sisters Karen and Nancy and Marilyn have certainly stayed for extended-enough visits that they too have  probably had a swing or two taken at them at some juncture in time.  I’m not sure who else, but it has been my experience that visitors  aren’t always eager to tell you what a nasty cat you have.

            In a related item, the MSB’s (Morbeck Small Boys) have taken to parading around the house holding 10” Lincoln Logs behind their backsides.

             “I’m a Kitty, Here’s my Tail!”, they announce in breathless excitement.  Don’t get too near them, they’ll scratch as you as well.

6/00