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FROM THE BRITISH SCI-FI SERIES "RED DWARF"

SPACE VIXEN:  What do they call you on your spaceship?

ARNOLD RIMMER (A hologram): Most of the fellows on my crew call me "ACE"

later, on the way back to the ship

RIMMER:Now don't be too surprised if  that when we get there no one actually refers to me as "ACE".  It's been so long, some of them actually might have forgotten they call me "ACE",  and they actually might have been too busy to remember that they ever called me "ACE".

  THE QUESTIONS:

TAKE THE

"A PERSON OF MANY NAMES QUIZ!"

       According to the Census Bureau, 3.143% of all males in the United States are named Robert. This ranks this proud moniker just behind James (3.318%) and John (3.271%)  in frequency which might explain why we Bobs seem to attract nicknames like picnics attract ants.

         In the introduction to  David Rensin's "The Bob Book" (Dell Publishing, 1991)

Bob Greene writes, "Bob is a dumb name.  It's a clunky name.  Bob is the plain, boring, sensible shoe of names.  Down through history, men of valor and achievement have seldom been named Bob.  The great figures in literature are not named Bob.  Think about it.  There's Bob Cratchit in Dickens "Christmas Carol" and let's face it, Cratchit was not exactly a dashing, dream-inspiring vagabond."

        So anyway, here's the quiz I promised you at the top of the page (or screen, as the case probably may be).  Match the names in the left hand column (I've been called all of them at one time or another)  with the people, institutions, or vague descriptions located in the right hand column.  There are more but the alphabet ran out of letters.   Have fun!

         P.S.  It would probably be easier to draw the lines between them (use a #2 pencil only, please) if you printed this ,  but sometimes that can be a lot of trouble.

Hint: 4 of the names line up with their respective answers.  Can you find them? Compare and Contrast them.

RABBIT:                                                              A.            NILS HAYDEN

ROBBO:                                                               B.            RC MORBECK SR.

BATHROBE BOB:                                            C.            FAMILY 50'S/60'S

ACE/SPORT/CHIEF:                                      D.            EVERYBODY ELSE

MANNY RIGHT:                                               E:            PROUD PARENTS

BOBICUS:                                                           F.            THEATRIX INC.

BAD BOB:                                                           G.            FROSH DORM

BAD:                                                                      H.            GAS CUSTOMERS                    

UNCLE WOB:                                                    I.             SEAN GALLAGHER

STILL BOB:                                                       J.             INDIAN GUIDES

SENOR` HUMBERTO GLOM:                     K.            B JOEL TOUR '84

REALLY UNCLE ROBBO?                           L.            DENNIS REILLY

MO SHEN SYAN:                                              M.           GERBIE BABY DOLL

DAAAAAH:                                                         N.            GMA SHAW

LITTLE MOOSE:                                             O.            STEVE PLICHTA

BOB:                                                                     P.            SALLY MORBECK

AUNT MILLIE:                                                 Q.            STRATIS NARLIOTIS

UNCLE SKIP:                                                     R.            HUNGRY BEARS                             

SWEETLE:                                                         S.             BRADFORD H.

ROB:                                                                     T.            FAMILY 60'S/90'S

CUBBY:                                                                U.            DANNY KEY

ROVER:                                                               V.            TT TEENAGERS

LURCH:                                                               W.           PHILA   I.A.T.S.E.

BABY, BABY CROCKETT:                           X.            SISTER NANCY

CHEF ROBER`:                                 Y.            BEGINNING INT. CHINESE

BOBBY CHUCKIE:                                          Z.            KID STAGE NAME

  THE ANSWERS:

10/97

A PERSON OF MANY NAMES

RABBIT:                    N.        GMA SHAW-            My maternal grandmother, Helena Petrovna Churchill Shaw often called me "Rabbit", no doubt from Robert. She was named after noted  Theosophist Helena Petrovna in 1896

ROBBO:                    C.        FAMILY 50's/60's                 My traditional boyhood name. Friends and Relations all know me as this, of course.  Made slight resurgence in Westfield, early 70's

BATHROBE BOB    O.        STEVE PLICHTA     A friend of mine (later roommate at 696 Bridge Rd. ,Northampton) saw me one Saturday morning in college wearing an expertly mother-manufactured bathrobe.  I was   Bathrobe Bob (or just "Bathrobe") forever afterward

ACE/ SPORT/ CHIEF  H.     GAS CUSTOMERS  I worked at Rickwood Chevron in Scotch Plains summers in college. I was called practically everything at one time or another.  These are also handy names for stagehands you've never seen before

MANNY RIGHT       Q.        STRATIS NARLIOTIS  Geoff Dickey's perpetual roommate Stratis (a real Greek person) used to call me this. I'm having a tough time remembering why.

BOBICUS                  L          DENNIS REILLY     On the kid's show Double Dare we all had Lazy Latin (a feature in my high school Latin book) names for a while.  This kind of translation once allowed George Ambos to translate some historic Roman statement as, "Bad Soda Machines Dishonor the Fatherland."

BAD BOB                  G.        FROSH  DORM        My first roommate at UMASS my freshman year was Robert Murray.  So much for the initials on all of the clothes.   He had grown up in a very sheltered existence with his mother (a boy's Best Friend, as we all know) so he became Good Bob and I became Bad Bob (life isn't always fair)

BAD                            F.         THEATRIX INC.      Almost everyone who knew me in New England in the late 70's/early  80's knew me as "Bad" (see above)   It was handy because there are too many Bobs around and when someone would call across the town common (we had those up there),  "Hey Bad" , I would know it was me.

UNCLE WOB            A.        NILS HAYDEN         In his younger days my nephew Nils Hayden would call me this (typical Childhood "R" syndrome).  He's now 21 and this autumn exhibited an incredible act of bravery :he was a Yankee Fan living in Georgia during the World Series.

STILL BOB               W.       PHILA IATSE            Many of the members of the local stagehand's union in Philadelphia tend to call me "Still Bob".  There are about 150 of them and I know most of their names and I always remind them that "I m still Bob" in case they don't remember

SENOR`  HUMBERTO GLOM      I.          SEAN GALLAGHER   Senor` Humberto Glom [Pause One Beat] Of  THE Buenos` Aires Gloms. Who knows?

REALLY UNCLE ROBBO?                        M.       GERBIE BABY DOLL   One of my chief nemesis's *(what is the plural of that, anyway?) during my childhood was my sister Nancy's obnoxious little doll Gerbie.   All she ever said was, "Really Uncle Robbo?" years before I was actually anybody's Uncle.

MO SHEN SYAN      Y.         BEG. INT. CHINESE   One of the greatest Errors in Judgment ever recorded in human history occurred when I was a 1st semester Freshman in 1973. I thought  "Hey, it might be fun to learn  Chinese!"   It wasn't. I've never been so lost in my life.

DAAAAAH                S.         BRADFORD H.        My son Brad sort of calls me this with various inflections depending on the situation.  P.S.  He's really cute.  Smart, too.

LITTLE MOOSE      J.         INDIAN GUIDES     My father, who was known as  "Mr. Bear" later in his life was known to his college buddies (The Jolly Rounders) as Moose.  When we joined the Indian Guides in 1962 he was "Big Moose" and I was "Little Moose."

BOB                            D.        EVERYBODY ELSE  I never really chose to be called this but it snuck* in because it's such the universal default name for Robert.  I guess I could shake it if I really tried but I have more important things to do like taping the X-Files every week.

AUNT MILLIE          U.        DANNY KEE When I worked on the kid's show, "Double Dare"  I was the typical supervisory type, obnoxiously sticking my nose into whatever was happening on any corner of the set at any moment.   One member of our crew who shall remain nameless (unless you can read boldface type) dubbed me, "Aunt Millie, Everybody's Busy-Body Meddling Aunt".   One of our nicest people (Susi Moyers) slipped up one day and called me it to my face by mistake.  I  looked at her in disbelief and thought, "You're only supposed to call me that behind my back!"

UNCLE SKIP V.        TT TEENAGERS      When I worked for Tait Towers in the 80's (that's when I toured with bands, etc.) we had a legion of teen-age lads who worked in our shop, many of which endearingly* called me "Uncle Skip". Hard to say why.  Tait was Australian and would often,  "send a lad down to help you"  Most of them are in their 30's now.  Time flies, doesn't it?

SWEETLE                  P.         SALLY                        When I was in 3rd grade I thoroughly confused my teacher Mrs. Pierce when she asked ,"What names do your parents use to address each other?"  All the other kids answered Honey and Darling and sweetheart while I answered , "BEAR".  Sweetle is Sweetheart when you're in too much of a rush to actually pronounce all of the syllables correctly.

ROB                           T.         FAMILY  60'S-90'S   Not too much to be said.  My mom calls me this so it must be my name. I was always Rob or Robbo because my dad was already "Bob".  My  Mother confided to me recently that she argued for 2 days against me becoming Robert C. Jr. -  to no avail.

CUBBY                       E.         PROUD PARENTS   When I first came home from the hospital my folks tried calling me "Cubby" for a while, fitting in with the family  Bear motif.  I guess it never really caught on.

ROVER                      B.        RC MORBECK SR. When I was in Kindergarten I was best friends with a kid named Donny Rowe.  When either of our mothers drove us to school we would make believe we were dogs (Rover and Fido) in the back seat.  We required human assistance to open the handles on the car doors because we lacked opposable thumbs. Sally was shocked the first time she visited the Westfield Morbecks and my father called up the stairs to me, "ROVER!"     PS  ME was promised a dog for her 10th birthday ...she got me instead

LURCH                      K.        B JOEL TOUR 84     They tried to hang this one on me when I was on the road in 1984.  Tour nicknames follow a strict set of rules, most importantly that your nickname is never something you would choose yourself.  We had this one Irish kid on U2 for a while who announced, "My name is Fercra but you can call me MAD DOG".  Hey , we give out the nicknames here, CHOLO!   And that's who he was for the whole rest of the tour.

BABY,

BABY CROCKETT  X.        SISTER NANCY       It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the 50's.  Dad went to work, Mom took care of all us, and Ike played golf.  Coonskin caps were the rage as Nancy would rock me to sleep.

CHEF  ROBER`        R.        HUNGRY BEARS     When Chef Rober's in town, he can be such a clown...I can be a great hot dog and hamburger chef.  Don't ask me to make a roux, though.

BOBBY CHUCKIE   Z.         KID STAGE NAME Robert Charles was always going to metamorphize*  into Bobby Chuckie and lead cheering crowds in a stirring medley of "The People on the Bus ","Wait for the Wagon", and "Beep Beep, Here comes a Satellite."

* not really a word